Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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