I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
