i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My breasts were aching with rage.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
