hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
