If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
