When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
