Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
