I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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