Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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