The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I want a musical about memes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
