did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
