Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
