I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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