did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
