is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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