Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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