I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
