in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
