she was so not down for the gang bang
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
