chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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