Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
