hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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