Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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