I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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