Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
