Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
