I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
