meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
