my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
