I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
