You really coming over, don't trick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
