your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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