i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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