I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
