maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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