New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
