the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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