He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
