Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
