Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Terrible idea I love it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
