Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I had to cum in my sink.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
