I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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