WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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