I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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