If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
