Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
