i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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