Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
