so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
