Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
