So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I pour the whiskey from now on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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