We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
