In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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