so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I need to stop coming to work sober
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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