i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's shark week go big or go home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
