we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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