i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
