when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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