Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
