dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
