The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
