So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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