nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
