remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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