The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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