Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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