you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
