Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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