he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
