so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
